"2009 VMAs", Meet My Thoughts

I surprise myself. I didn't think I'd make it through the whole show. I thought my head would explode and you'd have to listen to our automation setting of jazz and oldies on KUR this fall. Somehow, I survived. And the awards show was interesting. We all secretly love a little drama, don't we? Here are my thoughts. I commented religiously during this extravaganza and here are my uncensored and rude remarks:

8:59 – Who’s this English VJ?

9:01 – Here we go. “Michael Jackson”. Okay already. Madonna, it’s about The King of Pop, not you.

9:02 – Nice cut to Pete Wentz falling asleep during Madonna’s speech.

9:04 – Once again, Madonna – this is not about you.

9:07 – Hey Jimmy Fallon’s here. Sweet cut to vintage MTV launch clip.

9:08 – MJ Tribute with a shit ton of dancers. Special effects on “Thriller” video look great.

9:11 – Crowd is going nuts for “Scream”. Holy shit here comes Janet. Is she lip-syncing?

9:12 – Cool dance number for Janet.

9:13 – Katy Perry is the sexiest woman alive. What’s up with Joe Perry’s white hair streak? They do “We Will Rock You”. Are they related? I’m just thinking about that now.

9:14 – Russel Brand is in the house.

9:16 – “This night is dedicated to great music videos.” Shouldn’t MTV always be dedicated to music videos? Kill me.

9:18 – This guy is getting no laughs.

9:19 – Lady Gaga scares the shit out of me.

9:21 – Pink’s still relevant? Will.I.Am’s singing.

9:22 – Shakira, at 38, is hot as hell. Their spiel is awkward.

9:23 – Lyrically, the worst written song I’ve heard all year: Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You”. Please let best female go to Katy or Taylor.

9:24 – Taylor is a deserving artist. She’s probably the most natural woman nominated. PA local (I hear she’s about 10 minutes from here).

9:25 – KANYE WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?

9:26 – HOLY SHIT. THIS AWARD SHOW JUST GOT MAD AWKWARD.

9:29 – The Buried Life looks cool.

9:33 – People on Twitter flipping a shit about Kanye.

9:34 – BEST ROCK VIDEO, HERE WE GO. Jack Black and Leighton Meester. She’s slammin’. Way to mention shitty bands, Leighton. Coldplay’s got this in the bag. I think.

9:36 – Kings are getting a great roar. Paramore makes me want to drown myself.

9:36 – Green Day wins it. “21 Guns”. I liked the video. I wonder if they still hate America. Fall Out Boy’s starting to cry.

9:37 – BILLLY JOE, YOU ARE REDEEMED FOR SAYING MTV SHOULD PLAY MORE VIDEOS.

9:38 – Hey, it’s the loser of the original Shot of Love with Tila Tequila. Taylor Swift’s in a subway, trying to get as far away from Kanye as possible. Feelings have been hurt.

9:40 – Taylor Swift is angelic. All the extras in this performance look nervous and awkward as hell. This performance is pretty cool, though.

9:42 – Holy shit, their playing Major Lazer.

9:47 – So glad 3Oh!3 weren't at the Warped Tour is Oceanport this summer. Pete Wentz and dude from Cobra Starship just made out backstage.

9:49 – Lady Gaga? What the hell is this.

9:52 – I heard somewhere that Lady Gaga is a beast on the piano. Why wouldn’t she exploit that?

9:53 – We’re back to Will.I.Am., and what’s he doing to “Viva La Vida”?

9:56 – I’ve always been a fan of the 5 Gum commercials.

9:58 – Daughtry’s coming to the Sovereign Center in Philly. I will not be attending.

9:59 – For shitty nominees, text MTVBLOWS to…whatever.

10:00 – Lady Gaga is sitting down now, covered in a cherry Fruit Roll-Up.

10:02 – The Hills makes me want to die.

10:03 – Best Pop Video. I hope Cobra wins. That song is addicting. Nelly Furtado, shut the hell up with your Spanish.

10:04 – I thought Britney Spears died. Megan Fox reminds me of Jennifer Connolly in Career Opportunities. Remember The Clash? My mind wanders…

10:05 – Green Day’s on the stage now. Are they going to burn an American flag?

10:08 – I remember when Green Day didn’t wear eyeliner.

10:09 – Good luck singing with a bunch of idiots in your face. All I can hear is “OMG I LOVE YOU.”

10:13 – I need a beer.

10:15 – Can they stop doing Real World challenges? What’s the music concept?

10:16 – Twilight preview? Vampires? This sucks. Get it?

10:20 – Ne-Yo and some dude from Gossip Girl introduce Beyonce. Awkward intro.

10:21 – See, this is how a female pop artist should dress. Gaga, take notes. Beyonce is classy and sexy.

10:24 – Can she sing Sweet Dream instead?

10:27 – Announcer says Muse, “the band everyone will be talking about tomorrow”. Ha.

10:31 – Puffy! People boo Kanye’s name, chant Taylor’s.

10:32 – Best Male Video. God Eminem is so lame. I hope Jay-Z gets it. T.I. wins.

10:34 – Guy from 300 introduces Muse. Here’s some justice. Their playing “Uprising”.

10:37 – The crowd over there loves it. As they should.

10:40 – Great performance. We’re treated to more Tracy Morgan and Em trying to get people to text their votes for Best New Artist. Surprise cameo by Cyndi Lauper. Who remembers when Tom Green did this back in the day? Hysterical.

10:47 – What the hell is on the dude from All American Rejects’ chest? J-Lo is still alive.

10:48 – Best Hip Hop Video. “Love Lockdown” was actually a good music video. I don’t care who wins, just no Em, please. Or Asher Roth. I heard he was the biggest loser in West Chester.

10:49 – Shit. Slim takes the moon man. He looks like Sinead O’Connor right now. He shows signs of maturity on stage. Maybe I got this guy all wrong. …Don’t think so.

10:51 – Overall, horrible production quality of this show. DJ AM is remembered.

10:55 – Where The Wild Things Are trailer is played in the commercials. Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up” seems fitting.

10:59 – Lady Gaga wins the Best New Artist Award. God, she’s creepy.

11:00 – Pink hits the stage. I think I’m going to go to the bathroom.

11:03 – Didn’t someone else wear a tassel like this at the VMA’s a few years ago? I remember it being very awkward. For the love of Christ, she’s on a trapeze.

11:11 – I’ll make a wish: I wish Kanye West gets his ass kicked.

11:12 – Fallon and Sandberg love Boyz II Men. Video Of The Year is up now. Here’s the big one.

11:13 – Beyonce wins it for “Single Ladies”. Happy Kanye?

11:14 – SHE INVITES TAYLOR OUT! OH THE HOOPLA! Now “she gets her moment”. They’re both in red. Gaga is shown with a nest around her face.

11:15 – Taylor took this whole thing in stride. But even Beyonce knows what Kanye did was so dick.

11:22 – Jay-Z arrives. Alicia Keys will be performing with him. Brand calls him the “mayor of New York”. I liked Alicia Keys in the Common music video for “I Want You”. My mind is wandering again.

11:26 – This is a big pro-NYC performance.

11:29 – What is this, a MJ movie preview? I think everyone at this show owes a huge debt to The King of Pop for paving the way. Oh, Michael Jackson’s This Is It.

11:31 – Brand says peace and we are done.

Overall – it was a typical MTV awards show in the later 00s. Take that as you will. Music videos are dead. Kanye West sucks. Goodnight.

UPDATE: That guy I said was "Will.I.Am.", is actually some guy named Wale. My bad. Also Kanye apologized to the world for what he did, but that still doesn't redeem himself.

Guilty Pleasures Of Summer '09

Hi all. We all have dreams, I know I do. And one of those dreams is to live in a world in which the people would not have to hide from their guilty pleasures. But I also wouldn't want those pleasures to be exploited and practiced and praised to an unhealthy level. So maybe I'm looking for an even compromise that wouldn't help or hurt our guilty pleasures. That being said, this summer, while putting in mass shifts at Jersey Mike's Subs, I was subjected to hours upon hours of XM radio's pop/hits station. Some of the songs played grew on me, like a virus. It started out as a joke, until the songs became like a malignant cancer and consumed my soul (iTunes Top Played, to be exact). One even broke into the Top 10! Blasphemy! To get over this issue, perhaps expressing these tunes in a blog post will help me cope, if nothing at all. Allow me (and Jim will contribute soon), to present my Guilty Pleasure Songs of the Summer of Sin (2009).

3. Cash Cash - "Party In Your Bedroom"
I am a sucker for cheap electronic sound effects. Like the real generic upshots that no-name producers can belt out with the most primitive of downloadable audio applications. Cash Cash's "Party In Your Bedroom" is pretty much just that. It's cheap. But man, what a fun song. I really do enjoy it and I don't care if I start receiving scenester, O'Douhl's non-alcoholic beer party invitations for making that claim. "Party" is stimulating MySpace pop music that incorporates broken microphones and a steady clap machine. And it goes against anything I should ever stand for. However, It will make me hop around my room like a 12-year-old girl before getting ready for a day's work.

Cash Cash - "Party In Your Bedroom"

2. Cobra Starship (Feat. Leighton Meester) - "Good Girls Go Bad"
Another song that I hear at least 5 times a day at work. (See, if only the station selected by my boss had been death metal...). They're back. I think this is the highest charting single since "Snakes On A Plane (Bring It)". Ha. I really don't have a problem with liking this one. Guy perspective, girl perspective - all about making bad descions then writing a song about it. A fun chorus for douchebags to chant along to, and if that is so true, then I am among them. A co-worker told me she thought lead singer, Gabe Saporta, sounded like a sheep; so I responded, "Come on, it's not that BAAAAAH'd." I got a kick out of that knee-slapper. No one else did. The song has a cliche Gewn Stefani "Hollaback Girl" type clap-breakdown in the midst of the 3:18 jam, and ends high on the chorus. This song doesn't make me go wild, but I do like to tell everyone at work that "this song defines our generation" just for shits and giggles...and awkward stares.

Cobra Starship (Feat. Leighton Meester) - "Good Girls Go Bad"

1. Katy Perry - "Waking Up In Vegas"
Have I fallen victim as another indie rock blogger to adore Miss Perry and stalk her every step on the web? Not quite. But she is pretty cool and a down-to-Earth chick. She's a better Pink, I will say that. And what she lacks in live performances, is redeemed by her on-record sound. She can thank her producers for that. What could possibly be her final single off debut LP One Of The Boys, this song displays some really appealing guitar work. That's what I'm so drawn to. Lyric-wise, I don't really connect with (maybe because I rarely leave the East Coast?). I like the idea though; it fits the Katy Perry persona very well. And I believe she's credible for the most part; I mean, she does play the guitar every now and again, right? This truly is one of my favorite songs of the summer and hell yes, it is a guilty, guilty, and a million times guilty, pleasure.

Katy Perry - "Waking Up In Vegas"

Embarrassed for me? I wouldn't be. I've liked stranger tunes (Jim can attest for one of my favorite songs of all time: "Girls On Film" by Duran Duran). Speaking of which, your move, Jim. Let's see what you got. And hey, you guys, too! Let's make this a family affair. Comment and tell us your guilty pleasures. Because once we admit we have a problem, we're halfway to solving it.

Jim's Top Summer Guilty Pleasures

This is semi-difficult for me, since I swore off commercial radio a few years ago, I am not even aware of the existence of most Top 40 songs, although I hate that Cobra Starship song, thanks Mike. Nevertheless, I will try my best to put together 3 Guilty Pleasures that have ruled my summer, and I think I got 'em.

3. The Fray - "You Found Me"

Ever since I first heard this song in a promo for season 5 of Lost it's been in my head. It's catchy, the lyrics aren't horrible, and it has a good hook. Do I hate The Fray? Yes. Am I a sucker for everything involving Lost? Of course.

The Fray - "You Found Me"

2. Tastykake's Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes

Am I guilty about loving them? Not at all. But I went through about ten boxes of these myself in 2 months and that cannot be good.

1. MTV's "Is She Really Going Out With Him?"

I confess. MTV's attempt at exposing douchebags (isn't that their entire demographic) has me hooked big time. Hot Girls? Check. Douches? Check. People who FINALLY agree with you that these dudes are dicks? Check. Sassy British Voiceover Dude? Check. Man, you don't know what you're missing.