Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Mike Pop's Take On The Gram-Grams

You would win a lot, wouldn't you?

*SPOILER ALERT: I get angry.
And I'm just doing a Top 10 moment-thingy.

UPDATE!: Okay, here we go.

10. Big thanks to Stevie Wonder for babysitting the Jonas Brothers. Sucks, but someone had to do it. I'm thrilled that they walked away with nothing.

9. The "Hip-Hop Summit". 4 of the best rappers today: Kanye West, T.I., Jay-Z, & Lil Wayne. All big egos, all decent rhymes. Respect for the godfathers and pioneers? For some, but not for all.

8. Carrie Underwood is incredibly hot and her dress was semi-see-through. Country music isn't really my bag, but she sure is. Her performance was good and I'm sure it made a bunch of hick girls very proud.

7. Zoey Deschanel introduces Alison Krauss & Robert Plant at the Grammy's? Why? She's cute, but she's taken, sadly. Ben Gibbard, for the great dude that you are, why couldn't you have remained chunky?

6. M.I.A.: Comic relief.

5. I learned that Taylor Swift is 19. Perfectly legal. Perfectly lethal.

4. Alison Krause & Robert Plant won EVERYTHING. The dude from Led Zep? The girl's attractive and I like to see old people win. That's why I love the Price Is Right (never miss an episode). Is this the year of the comeback? Mickey Rourke and now Robert Plant? Just you wait, Michael Jackson. Just keep away from the kids and stick to pop music. King of Pop? Dethroned. Take over from Lil Wayne. Yes, hip hop is pop now.

3. Radiohead (well, Thom Yorke & Jonny Greenwood) perform with the USC marching band. Shit, if I had known being a band geek would pay off this way, I wouldn't have given up the saxophone. Twice. Best performance of the night. Hands down.

2. (Look at Jim's post, the one previous to mine. A lot of non-televised awards went out to great artists. Way to go, Bruce! Justice! Kings Of Leon! Radiohead! ... And Tom Petty? Well, uh, okay! Although, Colbert losing for Best Spoken Word is a heartbreaker. "GORE!!!")

1. Lastly, none of the horrible bands/artists won! THE GRAMMY'S WERE NOT ABOUT WHO WON, BUT ABOUT WHO DIDN'T WIN! THANK GOD THE JONAS BROTHERS LOST. AS DID RIHANNA. SAME GOES FOR T.I. & LIL WAYNE (I think he only won Best Hip Hop Record). So Krauss & Plant stole the show. They also preformed like, a million and a half times. I'm happy for them, but the song, "Please Read The Letter"? Mediocre at best. Sorry, but see, this is why I'm not a critic. Yet. SPOILER ALERT: I don't become a critic/taken seriously on any level of professionalism.

"Don't worry, folks, we'll put out another shitty, Anti-American record for all the teenagers to buy next year. Keep your eyes on us.
Love, the Q-Tips."

Okay, so there you have it. Most of the performances were good, the awards went so-so, and as predicted, Radiohead got robbed. Friend of the blog, John Mayer, picked up Best Male Vocals in a Song (your welcome for the NMTM Bump, sir). Whitney Houston looked drugged up as any other day. The Rock needs to go back to wrestling. Katy Perry's performance was God-awful but her eyes are big ... you'll get it later. Also, Kanye's new hair looks like Eddie Winslow with a half mullet. Just not good. At all. The awards weren't as good as last years, but hey, we're in a recession. Not just in the economy, but in almost all aspects of life. Roll with it people. Next year: better. I hope.

There, There, Radiohead. Let's hope for a better turn out with the next record.

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